what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
