ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
