I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
