do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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