I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
