i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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