I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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