I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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