I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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