ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
