I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize