I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize