Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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