The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize