I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
