My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
