Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
