I want to make a zoo with you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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