i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
