Swine flu is the new snow day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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