Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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