I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I just put wine in my tea
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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