she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
