It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
