I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
