I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
