I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
