I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize