are you still at the devil's house?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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