Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
