I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
