WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
