Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
