But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
