The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
