you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
