I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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