The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
