There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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