i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
