Soap is not a condiment
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
