She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
