On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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