We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
