How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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