this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
