I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
