Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
