I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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