just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
