I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
