she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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