Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
