And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
