He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love you.
Bad choice
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
