Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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