He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
