there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
