Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
