I can't watch pbs sober anymore
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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