I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Four minutes until I can fart!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
