And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
