Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
