You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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