I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
