pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize