I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize