You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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