I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This baby is an asshole
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
