You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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