i permit you to call me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
