dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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