there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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