Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
