would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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