Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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