my phone needs a breathalizer
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
