Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
