I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
