my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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